Measles

Summary
The former king of the Use Coal Mines. A measly little man.

Plot overview
A corrupt and untrustworthy official, he taxed the townspeople on various things, including ham and trees. Before becoming king of the mines, he had engaged in various unsuccessful ventures, including purchasing a road that turned out to be fake and owning an insect mill. Upon being instated as king, he gave special treatment to mice and routinely visited the Holling Hotel to make fun of Monkey after the tax periods ended.

During The Land of My City, he made one such visit, in the process ordering his ninth son Jim to attack Baby. The attack was stopped by Edward Lake, but Baby died anyway (he got better). Measles wondered aloud where babies even came from, and then, snapping out of his reverie, told Ed that this was not his job. In response, Ed took out his badge and his six-hour gold watch (which was his badge) and revealed that he had come to arrest Measles, who pulled Jim aside to whisper about conniving yet vague plans. (Jim, for his part, thought that his father was probably high.)

Measles introduced himself to Ed, decrying the World Wide Web and offering to let his would-be captor stay in his home on Earth. During dinner at his estate, he continued to stress the unnecessary nature of online activities, as well as complimenting Ed's skill at talking and giving his guest a "thank-you note" (bribe). After the meal's conclusion, one of Measles' sons informed him that scammers had been having problems with the hotel, and Measles gave the vague order to "turn it on."

This turned out to mean that Measles had gone and left his dirty underwear in the hotel's living room, destroying it completely. A while later, Edward engaged in completely legal activities to obtain a large amount of gold, offering it to Measles so that he could exchange it for a "tragic post". A book was written to catalogue the transaction, made out of high-quality goats. However, after Ed left, Measles discovered that the gold was actually white, and therefore useless. He demanded an explanation, but was stopped in his tracks by the miners. His feeble attempt to make fun of them for "being offended" failed to impress, and Measles' sons were beaten up, his alcohol confiscated, and his corruption promised to be unveiled to the top manufacturers.

Trivia

 * Has 9 sons, but does not know where babies come from.

Quotes
"Sometimes there are areas such as dirt, wash to look at them."

"I think the tax period is over. I know you won't die in this big city, but I can't wait to make fun of you."

"Who... where do babies come from?"

"I'm sorry if my son is bad. My name is Measles, I'm the king of this city."

"We must have our own destiny here! You do not need to be on the web!"

"Here, listen to slow ears. I'm going to force you to pay any tax coins you give me! I will return!"

"It is not necessary to join a forum. Eat eat!"

"I am ashamed to say that ham taxes take a long time."

"Um, violence continued their blossom. How difficult... turn it on."

"I'm a fraud, Mr. Alcras!"

"This work is useless and empty! You both take that record from them! Son! A?"

"And... Jim. Get up, idiot! If you don't want to be offended, then..."