God

Summary
God. Runs a restaurant frequented by Rose and other members of the Church of Subgenus; seems unphased by the frequent radio broadcasts ("religious media in the media") urging townsfolk to eat him.

Plot overview
Was called a slut by Edward Lake.

Quotes
"Of course, my next question is... is he the next person or thing?"

"His father, Cornell, is Latvia's ambassador to the sun!"

"Honestly, you shouldn't try to get involved in this lawsuit..."